November 28th

Since about 5 of the 6 total people who have been to my site hate me with malicious intent (especially you lovable scamps at the cheap ass gamer message boards, because everyone knows that if anyone is a good judge of character, it's some pasty-faced kids who play video games, e.g. me) I'M CHANGING THIS ENTRY! At first I was just going to leave it up, it was done at like 12:00 at night and wasn't too funny, and I mean, taking shit down from a blog just seems poseurish. I mean, even former child star/internet celebrity Wil Wheaton would never take down a post, even that one time when he talked about how he killed all those hookers in college... well we all know how that turned out. But I mean, even Eddy didn't like it. The same kid who just finished shooting "Pedophile Penitentiary," for public access did not like my update for cris' sakes. Thankfully though, I don't have to do much work, since some kid named Minx wrote it for me. That's right, Minx, meaning this is our first ever piece of writing by a furry! I would like to think of this as a monumentous occasion in my site's short 1 month history. Anyway, here it is.

"Okay, we're all going to play a little game. It's complicated, so stay with me here.

Rule No. 1: I, Christopher Gesualdi, will give you money.

I can tell your liking this game so far. I know it's getting you all hot and bothered, which brings us to...

Rule No. 2 : There will be naked women involved.

You're still here right? I mean people come and go getting off my website all the time, so maybe you're not. But it's very important that you still be here for...

Rule No. 3: You will go to the comic store at the mall with the cute girl at the counter and buy up all the hentai tapes they are selling. The girl will be so impressed with your class and taste above and beyond the usual comic book geeks, this will be the perfect opening to ask her out . Don't forget to mention that you excel at all the sexual techniques in the tapes as your opening line, because girls like that sappy romantic shit."

Brilliant Minx, except for the fact that no girls work there. Just three guys playing an eternal game of Dungeons and Dragons and arguing about stat modifiers and dragons. So there it is folks. And that picture of John Fucking Chen still makes me laugh, so it stays, the Cheap Ass Gamer trolls be damned. Oh yeah, and JSweeny is an elitest prick.

"You know, maybe I'm naive, but back when I was in High School, popularity (or coolness, to use your term) had a lot more to do with looks and attractiveness to the opposite sex than anything else. So unless your school is made up entire of mutants, zombies, or mutant zombies, I highly doubt it. This probably sounds pretty harsh, but it probably wouldn't hurt for you to peel off about 50 pounds."

Yes, JSweeny, because the world revolves around looks. That's why god invented American Eagle Outfitters. So that swarmy fucks like you can buy a new sweater vest and scoff at the world around you for not having the latest John Tesh album. I'd put a picture of a dude sucking cock with the title "JSweeny eats a cock," or something like that, but that's below me. Another furry joke however is not. In the words of the cheap ass gamers themselves, PWNED. Sigh, two furry jokes in one update, sometimes I amaze myself.

And lastly, I still need a place to host this here website thingy. SO ANYONE WITH ANY IDEAS OR SUGGESTIONS FUCKING E-MAIL ME ALREADY. The sidebar is done, I just dont have room to host all the pages. Also, John drew a ninja. G'night folks, and remember. Keep on yiffin'

November 25th

Yeah, I know I should've updated earlier, but this movie thing was a bitch. Since Ben left before we shot like, 2 major scenes, I had to cut all the arcade footage, which I guess is just as well because it saved me a lot of time trying to find soundfx and shit. So I edited down 2 hours of footage into a 7 minute 30 second movie entitled "Eatin' Weiners," and despite being really choppy, it's still really funny. Everyone hates my script anyway (except Dan "The Man" Harerra). You can d/l it as a word document if you want. I like it. Maybe a year from now I can find a crew who I can shoot the whole thing with. Oh well.

Back to me. I hit a strategy guide jackpot, scoring Vagrant Story for $8 and freaking Xenogears for $10. Yeah, $30 for the guide, and with the game it all goes for like $80. I sware that the prices on rare strategy guides are crazy. Am I the only one convinced that investing in video games is going to be like 20 gold mines rolled into one? I bet you 5 years from now Valkryie Profile goes for like $150 with the guide. I wish I had it... oh wait.

Me and Josh went to a show at Pearl Street, featuring a mess of bands. A Boy Named Pip was of course amazing, like honestly. When a bunch of sophmores totally outpreform all the other college age bands at the show you know something big is going to happen to all of them, except for Mikey who will probobly be imprisoned after stabbing somebody over the last mountain dew. If they don't win Battle of the Bands this year I'm probobly going to kill someone. After them was Insipid, who are officially the worst band in the history of the world. Insipid is everything on the radio I hate to listen to, or as Josh put it, "They sound like Creed and every other band that sounds like Creed." Good one josh, 100 points (I have a points system now, where doing something cool or funny earns you anywhere from 10-100 million points). Their singer has like cerebral palsy or something, so the entire set he had his left arm at his side. That was my cue to spend the rest of the night "Doing the Insipid," which seemed to please some older punk/goth kids who were there. For the record, don't type "Cerebral Palsy" into google image search. The show was honestly so bad we just left and went to a convience store, where we took some pictures I have arranged into a fun-loving collage here. Also, I gave myself a mighty 10,000 points after commenting to Josh "Your family is so Jewish" as his brother and his dad argued over change for like five minutes.

Also, what is up with this Sex Etc. thing they're handing out in the school? It's honestly creepy as fuck and I don't understand how this kind of drivel makes it into our school system. I have taken the liberty of scanning the front page so you can see what I'm talking about. "Everyone's always looking down at my penis," is the quote of the week. And aparently, "Size isn't everything," but don't tell that to Godzilla. But seeing all these ignorant teenagers trying to educate even more ignorant teenagers about sex, I decided to take my hand at helping to spread some good old fashioned Misinformation. Come inside and learn children

Oh, and the Future Business Leaders of America are blackmailing me. Even though I've never been to their club once they keep sending me all their god damn handouts, and demanding money. I think it's because at the club fair I signed a piece of paper saying "I might at some point in the future be remotely interested in considering possibly joining your club." I recieved a mighty humourous money demand, which I likened to a threat on my life if I refused to pay their damn $2 dues. Well FBLA, Chris Gesualdi does not deal with terrorists damnit. I posted that up on one of the bulletin boards, but it was taken down the next day. I hope the FBLA got the message, but I might have to make a few more printouts of it just in case.

Well, I guess that's all. I'm still looking for a place to host this bitch so someone hook me up. Oh, and hang some posters damnit, anyone who sends me a picture of one of my posters hanging in some public place gets an automatic 10,000 points. And now, I leave you with a picture of the Pork Rind Champion himself, Ivars Byers.

November 19th

Ok look, I'm going to go out on a limb here and pray that someone remotely talented will stumble across this page. I am about to fail A/V tech for real this time. That whole movie with Ken fell through because my actor (e.g. Reid) is too busy with napping and the like to ever get this thing done. This Saturday, at my house, *ADDRESS REMOVED*, starting at 11:00, we are going to be shooting a movie. The movie is basically about John figuring out he can eat really fast when listening to Vanilla Ice, so he enters a competetive eating TV show called "Food Factor" where he goes toe to toe with the Korean hot dog eating champ, while his younger brother attempts to beat a legendary video game and free the soul of a Japanese kid who's stuck inside. I'm working on the script and there are plenty of roles that I will hopefully be able to fill in school, but we also need plenty of extras, and maybe you can fill a role if someone doesn't show up. So, if you've ever wanted to be cool, get in on this movie. Here's a draft of the script (really choppy but you don't care). Here are all the roles I can remember, and who's supposed to be doing them, or who I want to do them. This is probobly more for my referance than yours but, oh well.

Main Character - John Carey*
Main Character's Supportive yet Non-Threatening Female Friend - Nora Edge^ or Rosie Pula
Main Character's Younger Brother - That Weird Ben Kid^ or Cody
Main Character's Younger Brother's Female Sidekick- Marissa Gesualdi^ or Rosie Pula
Arcade Operator - Me
Game Show Announcer - Eddy Pula^
Korean Hot Dog Eating Champ - Asian Mike^
Eating Contestant #1 - Ivars Byers*
Eating Contestant #2 - Zac Autio^
Japanese Kid Trapped Inside Video Game - Will Silver or Hiro
Vanilla Ice - Peter Johnson
Extras - Josh Tentenbaum^

BTW, only the roles with * are the people who are defenitely filling those roles, an ^ means they're considering it. You can call me at *PHONE NUMBER REMOVED*, or I'm always on AOL Instant Messager as seventhangyl. More roles may become available, or you can suggest one based on the draft of the script. Real update tomorrow, I sware.

November 17th

Cha-Ching! JACKPOT MOTHERFUCKER! I went to the hampshire mall and picked up a wealth of goods. Media Play (which is probobly going out of business) has all these 50% off bargain bins placed strategically around the store. I pretty much picked over the video game bin though, with the help of some black employee who I pretended I remembered, but had no real idea who the hell he was. I hate when that happens. Everyone freaking knows me and I have no idea who anyone is. I spend the whole school year not knowing the names of like any of my classmates. But anyway, I got Phantasy Star Collection and Street Fighter Alpha 3 for $15 apiece (all the title screens say Street Fighter Alpha 3^ which makes no sense, crazy japs) along with strategy guides for Virtua Fighter 4 and Super Mario Sunshine for $3 apiece. They also had Ikaruga and Sly Cooper for $15 if anyone wants em, but they didn't have anything else great. Phantasy Star Collection is mad fun, you get PS 1, 2, and 3 in one cart. I'm stuck in PS1 though, I have to like find some talking beast who can help me free some dude from stone. Yeah, that would be more fun if it wasn't for the god damn save glitch. Street Fighter looks real pretty, but it just feels wrong playing a six button fighter on a four button GBA. Damn Nintendo, can't you do anything right? KB Toys is also having a major clearance sale, so I got Resident Evil 0 for $20, not too shabby. I like Resident Evil, but I know I'll never beat any of them, I always manage to run out of bullets or something. I remember my friend was getting totally psyched for REmake and I was like "Why?" So you can run around with awkward control, run out of bullets, and then Capcom can port it to every single system ever made? I think my toaster runs Resident Evil 2.

In the meantime, LOOK WHAT I FOUND! MY SAFECRACKER TOKENS! Now let me step back a second. Safecracker is possibly the best pinball machine in the history of man, it's like an unholy pinball/board game hybrid. Now, you win by bypassing all the traps and shit and making it to the center of the board. When this happens you hear a massive cracking sound and the machine fires out a heavy golden token faster than the speed of light straight at your midsection. They used to have this thing at Interskate 91, man it was fun. The first time I won I heard the crack and thought I had broken the machine or something. More video games need to give you things when you win. And I don't mean those god damn prize tickets, you should get like a T-Shirt saying "I BEAT THE PANTS OFF INFERNO IN SOUL CALIBUR." Anyway, the tokens are probobly the coolest small circular objects I own... except for the Power Ranger pogs David Lawall gave me. Thanks David.

You know what I hate? Spam e-mail. Because none of it makes any god-damn sense. Like what the hell is cock karate? Maybe the Waxer Violinists can help me out with my Giants Abrasions. You know what, if anyone knows where I can get cock karate lessons, hook me up.

A few days ago, this black dude had the best Victory Lap in the history of Maury. Oh, the Victory Lap? That's what John Carey has dubbed the victory celebration when the guy finds out he isn't the father. We chant "Victory Lap! Victory Lap!" as the dude runs around the stage pumping his fist. Anyway, when the guy finds out he isn't the father, he jumps up out of his chair and runs into the audience, exchanging hi fives with everyone in sight. It was so great to see the girl crying as he runs around the studio whooping it up. Later they showed Maury backstage comforting the girl, telling her it'll be alright, then he turns and says "You know, you could be more supportive," and they cut to the guy and he's doing the happy dance from here to Sunday. And oh what a dance it was. I really doubt anyone can top that Victory Lap, it was a sight to behold.

Also on TV, MTV has this new show room raiders, where one guy gets to check out the rooms of three girls and pick one of them for a date based on their room. Well, I knew it was going to be a good show, when one of the girls was this batshit crazy anime goth freak named Lauren, who wouldn't shut up about her cosplay fetish. For the un-educated, cosplay is when you make rediculous looking costumes based on anime/video game characters, and wear them to anime conventions or something. Basically, it's dress up for nerds. They had a little part of her dressed as Mokona from Magic Knight Rayearth. Yeah, that was creepy. At least it wasn't Japanese cosplay porn, but it was close. So anyway, the guy Keith is going through her room, and finding all these barbie dolls in creepy-as-fuck electrical tape bondage, a whole mess of god damn crazy cosplay outfits, and the piece de resistance, a god damn hentai porno magazine. Somehow, Keith decides to pick this insane goth freak for a night on the town. Which is good because she makes sure to mention to the camera that she only dates Asian guys. The best part had to be the ending though.

Keith: So what do you like to do for fun?
Lauren: ...I like to cosplay
Keith: (Puzzled) You like to what?

And End. Brilliant MTV, brilliant. Well, this update has run a bit long but I promised I'd post Eddy's rant about Luke Vexler since he gave me a dollar. I'm a dirty sell out. Also, Gunbound is the most addictive game ever created, all of you should be playing it, right now. I know I'm about to. Chris out.

November 13th

The N-Gage has been hacked. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Honestly, fuck you Nokia. I hate you and your bullshit marketing campaign. Like, I can't wait to buy this phone so I can hang out with all the other cool kids who bought it. God, the N-Gage is so funny.

In the meantime, all of you need to download overnet before I kick your ass. This thing is like Kazaa on crack cocaine. Like honestly, fuck Kazaa, Overnet is fucking amazing and none of you told me. Look at this. Kazaa found 365 files, Overnet found 3,383. It's like the god of warez (for this analogy, the part of the god of warez will be played by a black Jesus action figure) smiled down on me, and declared everything should be free, like that angry asian kid from Anti-Trust kept saying. That movie was on TV recently. It was terrible. But anyways, now all of you can download photoshop instead of asking me to burn to for you, although that might create more problems than it solves. See the thing with photoshop is that it costs way too much god damn money. Because of this, there are maybe 5 registered versions, and everyone else just gets a copy of one of those. That creates a problem, because Adobe needs to be able to keep track of who's using their software, because while I'm sure 2% of people use it for business, the other 98% are goddamn crazy furries who need to have their photo manipulation software taken away from them. NOW.

Meanwhile, in the real world, I am about to fail A/V Tech 2, which is good because I need stress in my life. It's what keeps me alive. We have about 8 days to shoot and edit a movie. So far we have about 10 minutes of us blowing up a Ken doll with fireworks. Don't get me wrong, it looks mad tough, but I think we're going to need more. Also, we had to do this live 30 minute studio thing, and the other group in our class kept laughing at us saying we'd never get it done and how it took them 2 weeks to do it. We fucking put our balls to the wall, grabbed David Calabrese (the guy who runs the pirate club in our school, aka, nerd times 10) and shot the Jizz n' Otter show in one take. ONE FUCKING TAKE. We made the other group look fucking stupid by talking about hobos and dragons for half an hour. We're so cool.

In conclusion, I got some batteries for my digital camera so here's what the dance pads look like. Yeah, I know, they're awesome. Also, for all you anime nerds out there, I AM SELLING MY MANGA COLLECTION. I like Japan and all, but fucking Tokyopop has sucked me dry for too long. Here's a picture of what I have. I'm pretty much selling stuff for like 50% off the list price, so books'll run you $5-$8. Just e-mail me and tell me what you want and I'll give you a deal.

November 9th

Still sick as fuck but it's fine. Not much has happened lately. I got chinese food from the mall, and got really fuking mad at all the damn fucking families and smiling children inside of Target. Thank you Target for ruining my mall. At least we don't have a Hot Topic, but I know one is coming and I know I need to buy like a can of mase or something to drive all the god damn goths out of my arcade and off the fucking DDR machine. God, nothing pisses me off more than goths, Something Awful has a good little bit on those "tortured souls" today. The worst type of goth is a goth on a message board or in a chat room. Because they always feel the need to tell you how many fucking times they "tried" to commit suicide. Like, just shut the fuck up, honestly. How do you fuck up committing suicide? Obviously you aren't trying hard enough. Listen, I know a kid named John Carey who will happily come to your house and slice you up five ways from Sunday, so just give me a call and we'll set you up. Fuck, we'll tape record the thing and you can be an internet celebrity like "ripper". I TOLD U I WAS HARDCORE.

BTW, first person to link me to that one video where the girl says she tried to kill herself 4 times and the one kid stands up and tells her she obviously isn't trying gets a cookie.

November 5th

They finally released what the PSP is going to look like! AND WE WERE ALL FUCKING WRONG. Even me!

Great, it's... well I can't even come up with a clever joke for what it looks like. It will make for an impressive digital aquarium however, which will be well worth the 15 million dollars we'll be paying for it next year. BTW, where is the analog stick? And somebody fucking explain the specs to me because I'm just confused. 2MB eDRAM Sub-Memory? 5.3Gbps Bus Bandwidth? Wait a god damn minute... CODEC CAPABILITIES!? YES, I'M GOING TO BE SOLID SNAKE!! Oh and nice fucking "Hand Lanyard." Like, who the fuck straps a god damn 500 dollar piece of glorious hardware to their hand and skips merrily to school? That thing fucking stays locked in my pocket like it should be.

Anyways, I was fucking sick all day again like before, so I stayed home and waited to die. Then I went out at 4:00 with my dad. The Matrix was of course sold out (you dorks) so we went to Video Game Castle in Chicopee, and then to Fantasy Realm in W. Springfield where I got JoJo's Bizzare Adventure for PSX, and 2 fucking metal DDR pads for $50. $50 for the pair. $25 apiece for 2 sturdy metal dancing playforms. All I need is a 9 pin to playstation cord and I'm set. HAHAHAHAHA. All you goth nerds probobly paid like 500 dollars on this piece of shit, well I just fucking got two of the things for $50 bucks. That makes me so happy. New south park tonight.