January 13th - I Can't Spell Procrastinator

I feel like I owe the internet community more than one update a week. I mean, I used to go to websites all the time and everyone (including me) would complain "WHY DON'T YOU UPDATE MORE!?" And the webmaster would always say "I have a life you goddamn assholes leave me alone." I always thought they were lying, but real life does actually manage to get in the way of updating your page. Especially when I can't come to school without the FLBA trying to hit me up for more money. You would think that calling them jerks would give them a message, but unfortunately, no, they've actually still been sending me newsletters. I should just go to the club and see what the hell they do there. I mean, I'm obviously a member by their records. I should just go in there and start yelling "WHERE'S THE MONEY AT!?" While I run around the room knocking people out. Yeah, that would be great.

On Friday I went to the Funcoland in Springfield looking for games and what have you (they had games but they were all out of what have you). When I went in the clerks were all crowded around the tv, while one clerk clutched a microphone and sang along to James Brown. Yes, all fear the Xbox music mixer, we all know karaoke is just a Japanese invention designed to steal souls but it's just so damned entertaining! After browsing and finding nothing, I was about to leave when they offered to let me sing. Since my dad was sleeping in the car, I left behind any self-dignity and sang Love Shack. The other clerk sang the female vocals so I only had to do the male voice, which basically constitutes as talking in tune. In return for my humiliation, I got a bitchin' Sonic Heroes t-shirt. This goes to show you that yes, I will do anything for video games and related memorabilia. I hate myself sometimes.

Ivars came over on Saturday. I can't get enough of Ivars. He is truly the ying to my yang. We watched Family Guy, as well as Child's Play II in spanish on telemundo, improvising on the dialougue where needed ("Doll of evil! Make with the running senor!"). Ivars told me the day after putting those Yo-Yo Balls of death in his mouth he just started vomiting uncontrollably, and illness is always high-larious. I guess we didn't do much important, except watch some Gundam Wing DVDs which only served to remind me how downright impossible that show is to follow. I love how in the opening everyone is standing around looking angsty, shit is blowing up, and people are essentially dying everywhere, then they just throw in a picture of Trieze smiling his ass off. It's totally out of place and I love it. Ivars borrowed all 7 of the DVDs I had only to find out they don't work with his PS2 DVD player. Ahh, anime, the most overpriced hobby available. $30 for 2 episodes of FLCL? Yes please, I am a consumer whore. Not that my video game addiction is any better because the next day we went to the Flea Market in Holyoke, where I proceeded to give money away to anyone with a game to sell and a smile. My good buddy Guy who owns Fantasy Realm has a booth there(yes, his name is Guy, just Guy). Fantasy Realm is this awesome video game store I've been going to since I was a kid, their old location has been converted into a porno store, which almost seems fitting. He gave me my regular "I'm friends with your dad" discount, so I got Clock Tower and Silent Hill for $14 total (originally priced at $7.99 and $12.99 respectively). I was not aware the first Clock Tower was a goddamn point and click adventure, which only serves to make the series that much more insane. I bet the second one is like a racing game where Scissorman chases you through the streets of L.A. as you drive around picking up hookers. Some puerto rican kid had some Xbox games sitting next to his bumpin' stereo system (which was by the way, bumpin') so I got Apex for $12. I heard it was a solid racing game but later I remembered the only racing game I like is Ridge Racer, and that's only because I have the Jogcon. Namco makes the most random controllers ever. Then some other puerto rican people had a shelf of games hidden amoungst the shelves of bootleg cds. I usually hate these booths, I come to the flea market so I can watch old people sell off their memories, not so that some people who don't like work can sell teenagers the latest joint by Jay-Z for $8 less than what it costs to break your face (That didn't make sense but it doesn't have to because I'm beautiful). Some dude tried to sell a bootleg Terminator 3 at one of these places for $20, so I let him know the cops were on their way to arrest him for copyright infringment. Now I know why minorities always run from the cops, they're damn fast. Anyway, aside from the racist jokes Ivars convinced me to get Fatal Frame on Xbox (Secret costumes!) which was $15, and they had .hack part 2 for $20. I noticed it was missing the instruction booklet so I'll probobly have to steal that from EB or somewhere. Yes, I steal instruction booklets, I am so fscking hardcore it hurts. The best part though, was the NES games they had for a buck. Final Fantasy? River City Ransom with the instruction booklet? BUGS BUNNY'S CRAZY CASTLE!? YEEHAW! I also got Mickey Mousecapades and R.C. Pro Am. And they all had these badass clamshell containers with Nintendo logos on em. Yeah, I'm a geek, but at least I have something to look forward to other than masturbating after school. Wait what?

Also, I made sure to wait a week before responding to that lady at the paper, so that I contacted her like an hour before the article was due. I'm a procrastinator for sure, but at least I managed to get her all confused by trying to explain the word "pwn." Oh well. The Daily Hampshire Gazette isn't ready for the Jizz-Master just yet. On another subject, Ms. Mafi might let me bring in my SNES and play Sunset Riders for our unit on cowboys. I think she goes down a ranking on my teachers I hate chart.

Teachers I Hate

1. Mr. Minks - Oral Communtication
Pros- Let me do a demonstration on Ikaruga in class.
Cons- Is an old and crazy. Hates humor, children and video games.

2. Ms. Koch - Computer Science 1
Pros- Pretty much leaves me alone.
Cons- Cannot teach. Small questions turn into lectures on taking notes and staying after class.

3. Mr. Moran - Algebra 1
Pros- Fought in Nam'
Cons- Old and does nothing but get on my fscking nerves. Dog ate his mittens.

4. Ms. Mafi - U.S. History
Pros- I'd tap it
Cons- Gives stupid goddamn assignments. Gets overexcited. Giant gap in teeth.

Last but not least, a couple things I need to do. Here's the story that flew Mr. Minks into a rampage. I'll scan his lovable comments as soon as my scanner is not broken, by which I mean fixed. And here's the long awaited review of Clock Tower 3, the best worst game of 2003. Also, word to all my homeys caught up in the system. Don't let the man bring you down. Peace.