Anyways, since I am in a money situation, I have decided to sell things. Namely, Video Games and Manga. These two pages feature my new possible layout with the sidebar and everything so tell me if you like it. Anyways, please buy something. All the money goes towards a worthy cause, namely the Sega CDX I saw at a pawn shop the other day. This pawn shop was hella shady. Mad thugs were walking in with stolen stereos to pawn, and a guy with a pistol watched the front door. They also had Zaxxon and Kolibri for the 32X which was excitement in a box.

Oh, and the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. But I don't watch football anyways.

January 29th - Penis Monsters

So, the site was down. Many people made sure I was aware of that fact. Many of you liked the picture of the Japanese girl hanging herself. It just goes to show you that the Japanese can make nearly anything cute, be it suicide, pedophilia, or that scary ass Sadako girl from "The Ring." I know it's been said numberous times, but I love the Japanese!

Anyways, I recently got this PS2 game called "Magic Pengel." It's a pretty standard monster battling RPG. The big selling point though, is that you can create your own 3D monsters just by drawing a crude 2D image. Naturally, the second I heard about this feature, my head was filled with thoughts of creating an entire army of penis monsters. So far, me and John Carey have made several variations on the "Giant Penis Monster," model. My favorite one is Olly, who we gave horribly deformed legs and an angry face. I think John's favorite was "Blackie," who is appropriately, a big black man with a gigantic snake-like penis. Immature? Maybe. Hilarious? Yes.

Also, I really wish my scanner worked because I have all this random propaganda to scan in. First is that Daily Hampshire Gazette article, which quotes me maybe 2 times. Also, some FBLA related materials for me to make fun of. The latest issue of Sex Etc. (Unfortunately it pales compared to last issue, but there's this picture of a kid with a condom for a head that makes up for all of it). And you know, other stuff like that.

Oh, and Ezra of A Boy Named Pip fame sent me like 2 tracks from his Jonny Wow project (at least, that's what Josh said they were from because Josh is so fucking cool and emo and whatever). Anyway, Jonny Wow is officially amazing. And this isn't like all those punk kids who say shit like "Yeah my friend's band is the greatest!" when all their friends do is cover Slipknot tunes or other terrible shit like that. This is the real deal. I don't know what the song is he sent me, but it has a harmonica, and I love harmonicas almost as much as I love crushing the villagers of "Magic Pengel" with my massive penis. I think they're going to be selling CDs soon, and I know, just like last time, I'm going to be the only kid who doesn't get one. God damnit. Also, Josh designed the whole cover and album art, because he's a photoshop whore.

And yeah, I bought like 100+ NES games. I don't have any money now so if anyone wants to fucking buy some Manga then e-mail me damnit. I'm also selling my extra NES and Genesis for like $50 apiece with about 10-15 games if you want in. Mike Pratt and Kenny are eyeing the NES though so make me an offer quick. Anyways... guess I'll see you soon. Long weekend, might have some Ivars related festivities.

A Boy Named Pip links to me, a week later they break up. That's two bands who have been destroyed by linking to me. Well, three's a charm. I'm watching you Skatamatics... and BTW, nice front page you tools.

January 22nd - 6 Letter Word for "Fuckhole"

Some crazy girls at our school have decided to perform "The Vagina Monologues," which is like, a 2-hour play about "such topics as homosexuality, rape and various parts of the female anatomy." By the way, that's a quote from fucking Time. When Time Magazine, and fucking Fox's own Bill o'Reilly get involved, you know something big is going down. Why so many people care about this stupid town I'll never know. Anyway, keep in mind this is the same school that decided against doing "West Side Story," because it was racist towards Hispanics. Let me get this straight, a play where fictional gangs fight with dance is more offensive than a bunch of teenage girls talking about their cunts? You know what, fuck it, now I'm excited about the play. If a bunch of teenage girls want to get on stage and talk dirty about sex and vaginas and whatnot then I say more power to em'. I think if I manage to sport a boner during the show I'll consider it a personal victory. I say we all bring in signs saying "I came to jerk off." Supposedly the play is a lot of anti-male propaganda, so I look forward to smacking some uppity bitches around who get in my face about being a chauvinistic pig. I mean, like I don't know that already? God, I'm more offensive than Max Karson, in fact, I think that should be my byline.

For those of you not in the know, Max Karson was this hack writer who distributed his terrible newsletter "The Krux" in the school every month and got suspended like four times because the teachers in this school are asshats who don't understand what "free speech" entails. So, even though nothing he wrote was terribly funny, watching our school organize support groups and parent meetings about what to do about this (actual quote) "threat to our school's system of community" was. I remember him getting in trouble for "obscenity" with this entry. I'll let you examine current events and try to figure out the hypocrisy. It's like one of those "What's wrong with this picture?" things from Highlights for Children, except all the answers are "Amherst is insane."

And sadly, Goatse seems gone forever. It's always sad when an internet phenomenon dies, but I think this one hit us the hardest. Godbless you Goatse, your gaping asshole will always live on in our hearts.

And now, the daily blurbs.

• Me and John Carey are having a gang war but I'll save that story for later. East Street Riders Holla!
• My Scanner and Digital Camera are broken which explains the lack of funny pictures lately. Damn computers.
• I'm resizing the site so that it fits onto a normal computer screen, and I figured out how to get the sidebar to work so get excited.
• A Boy Named Pip (best local band ever) linked to my site so that feels good. Ezra still owes me a CD.
• I doubt any of you know him but Ryan broke his face. Part of me feels sympathy while the other part laughs until it hurts. "My dad doesn't hit me, I just fell down the stairs... into his fist...many, many times..."
• At least something good came out of my message board scandal. This picture. Defender gets 10,000 points and a link to his site.

By the way, can someone google bomb this site? I'm like the 65th entry for "Gesualdi" and only the 4th for "Chris Gesualdi." I mean, I can understand not being the most popular Gesualdi, but to not be the most popular Chris Gesualdi feels like a shot in the mouth. And speaking of shots in the mouth... no, no that's just too easy.

January 21st - Stroking A 3-Pointer

This kid Mandla I knew is dead. I met him at the anime club once (for the record, I stopped going because Ian Adams is a nerd) and we talked a lot on the internet, mostly about porn and video games, and me trying to buy his fucking Master System off him. I didn't even know his real name until today, I just knew him as DrD34gl3, Overclocked Ocelot, and that black kid with the frizzy hair and the tool sweatshirt.He had a heart transplant a few months ago and I guess it just stopped working. I don't know if anyone knew this but he was building a site before he died. http://overclockedocelot.tk/ It's weird now, but I remember me and him trying to figure out how to make that fucking "Enter teh Site" button black. I guess we never did.

I'll miss ya buddy.

The funny part is this looks exactly like him.

On a lighter note, I apparently stroked a three-pointer. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

Me - "So um... there's this guy, and he's like, in a gang. And then he meets a girl and he falls in love. So he has to choose between the girl and the gang and..."

Asian Mike - "Chris, you've just described every Korean music video ever made."

Me - "GOD DAMNIT! I HATE THE INTERNATIONAL CHANNEL!"

Now look, part of my reason for starting this site, was so I could identify the one Japanese movie that I have to get a copy of before I die. Now, flash back about 3 years. Me and John Carey were watching the international channel (we used to hang out before our gang war). All of a sudden, these three Japanese students, a guy, a girl, and a fat kid (like me!) are on the screen, performing at their senior talent show or something like that, (I don't know what they call it in Japan, probably "Super High School Magic Fun Time.") Anyway, the kids are playing like a plastic tambourine and some other crazy instruments. Through the magic of bad films, they win, and are given a huge trophy. They run up to the roof to celebrate where the fat kid accidentally tosses the trophy off the roof. A balding Japanese man with a child notices the trophy hurtling towards him and we are treated to the first dose of subtitles that made a lasting impression on me.

"I'll block it with my head!"

The camera cuts back to the kids looking over the edge of the building, and then back to the man, who is now lying in a pool of blood leaking from his head, while the small child watches on.

And it only gets better.

For the next hour and a half, me and John were submitted to the greatest special of our lives. I don't even remember the plot, since the movie is comprised of 3 subplots at once. See, the talent show was a flashback, all the kids are in their 20s now, and though still good friends, they each experience their own tale of love, romance and something else other than love and romance. I can't remember much, but what I do remember still makes me long for the day I will finally see this movie again.

Now, the guy (whom we will call "Steve") wants to get with the girl or something (let's call her "Mary"). But Mary is seeing other people. I remember him racing around Tokyo or wherever trying to either stop a wedding or get to his. I know that Mary was in the wedding, and it made no sense because it was taking place outside at night and it looked fucking cold, especially since she was in a flimsy wedding dress with no sleeves on it. But, at least she was hot. Oh, and why were they having a Christian wedding? I don't understand Japan, anyways, this guy is probably the one I remember the least about.

Now Mary, is having trouble finding a guy. I remember they have a party at her house, where is the first instance of the fruit videos.

Now, the fruit videos deserve their own little blurb. Throughout the entire movie, every time there's a TV on, there's usually just a picture of a piece of fruit with a white background. These are VHS tapes that contain exactly that, nothing but a piece of fruit, sitting there, doing nothing. It seems that these videos are very collectable, and every time they get mentioned someone will say "I still can't find the green apple video," or something like that. Apparently, the green apple video is very rare, and everybody wants one. I think this is one the most brilliant plot devices ever. I mean, if there's ever a lull in dialogue, shit, just bring up the apple video again. But anyway, let's get back to the movie.

Anyway, Mary is constantly going out with terrible, terrible people. In one scene, she's sitting in some guy’s car, when the guy starts crying uncontrollably. She asks what's wrong and he says that he saw all the orphans in Kosovo or something and he just couldn't bare the sadness, could he please rest his head on her breast? You know, that line didn't work on her, but I think I should try that with some of the girls in Amherst, since they're all crazy liberal hippies. Anyways, the girl gets a lump on her breast and is freaking out about it, but some guy makes sure to mention "Don't worry, most guys don't care about lumps." Yeah, that's really comforting asshole. Steve feels her up real good but doesn't find any lumps. Which means it's time to celebrate with a black male stripper dressed as an army sergeant! She and two other girls enjoy his gyrating and other miscellaneous antics. I don't remember the rest of the scene but I think someone bursts into the room and beats the shit out of the black guy. Probably Steve. What a jackass.

The last guy, the fat kid (let's call him "Gearshaft"), is also looking for love. He gets a girls number off a phone booth, and despite Steve's advice calls it. The girl actually answers and tells him to meet her at a bar. He goes to the bar, but after waiting for a few hours’ figures out he got stood up. He goes outside to his car and CRACK! Crowbar to the back of the neck. He wakes up gagged and bound in duct tape. The girl strips him down and out of nowhere starts having sex with him. She removes his gag and they start doing the porno moaning thing. All of a sudden she starts hitting him, yelling "Say my name! Say my name bitch!" Of course, he just woke up in her basement so he just yells "I don't know your name!" She gives him her name (we'll say "Rebecca") so he starts yelling "Rebecca! Rebecca!" She gets tired of this and tells him "Call me Sailor Moon!" So of course, he just starts yelling "Sailor Moon!" in time to the thrusts. Then, right at the point of ejaculation, Gearshaft utters possibly the best line of dialogue ever.

"HELLO KITTY!"

Brilliant, just fucking brilliant. Of course, he becomes involved with this crazy sado-machocist, and they continue having wild kinky sex until she decides to make a lovers pact and for them to kill themselves together. He is reluctant but agrees, so they park the car and let the engine run, filling the car with exhaust. Don't you have to park indoors for that to work? Because I swear the car was just sitting outside. Anyways, Gearshaft starts droning off, so he turns on the radio where he hears Steve and Mary. Somehow they've gotten on the radio, I forget what they say but he decides he doesn't want to die and gets out of the car and runs away (possibly to the wedding, I don't remember). Rebecca however, is still in the car. A cop approaches the car to find out what's wrong so she grabs him and they start making out in the street. What a slut, I think I love her. Anyway, I don't think Gearshaft ever gets the girl, but he does see his High School girlfriend one last time, as she gets on a bus to the airport so she can move to America. He gives her a huge teddy bear and they both kind of smile. I have to admit, for a fucked up Japanese film, this scene was actually kind of touching.

Anyway, that's about all I can remember. I honestly would love to see this film again. There were some other films on the international channel. Like a bunch of female Japanese students all unbutton their blouses slightly and fan themselves with their skirt until the teacher gets a 10 foot erection, or the one where a bunch of teenage kids want to join the mob, so they run down a rival mob boss with kitchen cleavers and kill him in a crowded marketplace. If I ever go to Japan I'll probably return with at least a couple hundred random Japanese movies, so I'll never go hungry for wackiness again.

Anyway, I only bring this up now because I saw this bitchin' flash movie which reminded me of how much I love Japanese culture. Can anyone tell me the story behind these crazy ASCII cats? I just don't get it. Anyway, apparently the flash is a parody of the ending to an anime called "Airmaster," but I don't care about that. All I want is THAT SONG! The song is called "Rolling 1000 Toon," so at least I know the title this time. Unfortunately, I also know that neither Kazaa nor Overnet has a copy of it anywhere. God damn internet. Look, if any of you like me, get me a copy of this song. I'm looking at you Josh Tentenbaum, don't make me call the RIAA on your burnt CD business.

The Real World is on right now and for like the 4th straight season they're arguing over the use of the word nigger. Honestly, I don't care anymore. If black America wants one word to call their own, and to be able to freak the fuck out if any white person dares utter it, then so be it. I just think that people need to lighten up sometimes. If it's used as a racial slur then hell, get pissed off. But you have to admit that a bunch of Asian people to running around yelling "Niggaaaa!" ala Tokyo Breakfast, is remotely humorous. You don't have to be like the guy on The Real World just called his mom to bitch about "some white girl using our word." Weak dude, get over it.

I had a 4 day weekend, which was fun. I spent 4 days getting to the boss in Ninja Gaiden, only to realize "I will never beat this game, ever." It was kind of humbling after having my NES on for 4 straight days, to admit defeat and hit the power button. I also got Cubivore for $20, which was awesome because Cubivore is the best game where you play a block... who eats other blocks. Whatever, any game that revolves around eating the meat flaps of other monsters and constantly mating with multiple female monsters is ok in my book. It's now 11:30 and I haven't done any of my homework. I had something I had to do in Social Studies... like a paragraph or something, I have to give a speech in Oral Communications about music piracy, and I have to do a whole bunch of miscellaneous crap for Programming because Ms. Koch is a bitch. I hate school almost as much as my new fan Eric hates DVD players and those bastard Japanese. He's written a little article why. I hope you'll enjoy it.

In conclusion, download "Dancing in Heaven" by Q-Feel. Best. Song. Ever. Well, next to "Rolling 1000 Toon" anyway.

January 18th - The Internet Hates Me

Well, I've recently become the focus of a small internet scandal ever since I posted this (It's deleted now) on Gamefags. The idea was to try and trick some people into thinking I was a kid living in a foster home after I shot a cop and did some time in Juvie. Then my foster parents sold my PS2 to prevent me from playing violent games so I kill them both and make a run for the border. Unfortunately, it didn't get that far, because someone recognized my username and foiled my plot. I have to admit though, it has been almost as entertaining as my original idea. See, the person who found me out was none other than Minx, from Cheap Ass Gamer. Not only did she make sure to spread the word about what a terrible person I am, but is now leading an effort to get me banned from Cheap Ass Gamer, for a post I made on an entirely different message board.

Yeah, I think its rediculous too. But it has led to some of the greatest quotes about me ever. Never have so many people hated me at one time. I can't deny that I'm enjoying it. So, please, read what others are saying about the whole "scandal."

"I hope you burn in hell." - Gothic_Walrus

"RACIST PIG FUCKING WHORE" - Spriggan240

"attention fag" - pimp tyranny

"this kid should be shot." - Monsta Mack

"I bet he gives it to Ivars hardcore." - CaseyRyback

"These are the type of people that need to be removed from society." - moiety

"chris is evil and a liar" - Medium_Pimpin

"both pathetic and amusing" - drfrielgood

"get a ****ing life" - OmniHeartAce

"You make me sick........" - craig11

"Go get some help" - ValkyrieVF1S

"Sad, Sad, Sad." - SolidDBZ

"Sad, but hilarious." - spiderweb1986

"utterly pathetic" - Tallis

I love the internet!

Now, all I want to do is make peace with everyone. Especially Minx who I think wants my head at this point. So please, to help me make retribution, I want everyone to go to http://www.quickdonations.com/ and start clicking on things. Hopefully, all this anger will turn into something good. And maybe Minx will forgive me.

January 16th - Luke Vexler Must Die

Ok everyone, this could be it. My big chance to become a star. Now, Luke Vexler, some prep kid who everyone hates, is going to be on the ABC Family show Switched, where two kids from different parts of the country switch places for like a week and then have that whole stupid "Well it was different but I learned a lot about their culture," or whatever. Now, that means that a camera crew will be following some kid around our school all day.

And I'm going to kick his ass.

Think about it. Not only would it be hillarious to beat the crap out of some kid who will probobly keep whining about how cold it is because he's from fucking California or whatever. But, if they air the footage (which they'll pretty much have to in order to explain the black eye I'm gonna give him) I'll be a fucking legend. Screw reality T.V., the only thing real is that this kid is going to get his ass kicked. If anyone can get me anymore information on when this kid is coming please do. I know I'll be wearing a Gesualdi.tk t-shirt for the world to see as I break his face. Hell, I'm willing to share the glory, if anyone else wants to help me beat the shit out of this kid I'm all for it. Bring a sock full of quarters and some juice.

I'm a terrible terrible person and it feels so good. More on this later if it ever goes down.

January 13th - I Can't Spell Procrastinator

I feel like I owe the internet community more than one update a week. I mean, I used to go to websites all the time and everyone (including me) would complain "WHY DON'T YOU UPDATE MORE!?" And the webmaster would always say "I have a life you goddamn assholes leave me alone." I always thought they were lying, but real life does actually manage to get in the way of updating your page. Especially when I can't come to school without the FLBA trying to hit me up for more money. You would think that calling them jerks would give them a message, but unfortunately, no, they've actually still been sending me newsletters. I should just go to the club and see what the hell they do there. I mean, I'm obviously a member by their records. I should just go in there and start yelling "WHERE'S THE MONEY AT!?" While I run around the room knocking people out. Yeah, that would be great.

On Friday I went to the Funcoland in Springfield looking for games and what have you (they had games but they were all out of what have you). When I went in the clerks were all crowded around the tv, while one clerk clutched a microphone and sang along to James Brown. Yes, all fear the Xbox music mixer, we all know karaoke is just a Japanese invention designed to steal souls but it's just so damned entertaining! After browsing and finding nothing, I was about to leave when they offered to let me sing. Since my dad was sleeping in the car, I left behind any self-dignity and sang Love Shack. The other clerk sang the female vocals so I only had to do the male voice, which basically constitutes as talking in tune. In return for my humiliation, I got a bitchin' Sonic Heroes t-shirt. This goes to show you that yes, I will do anything for video games and related memorabilia. I hate myself sometimes.

Ivars came over on Saturday. I can't get enough of Ivars. He is truly the ying to my yang. We watched Family Guy, as well as Child's Play II in spanish on telemundo, improvising on the dialougue where needed ("Doll of evil! Make with the running senor!"). Ivars told me the day after putting those Yo-Yo Balls of death in his mouth he just started vomiting uncontrollably, and illness is always high-larious. I guess we didn't do much important, except watch some Gundam Wing DVDs which only served to remind me how downright impossible that show is to follow. I love how in the opening everyone is standing around looking angsty, shit is blowing up, and people are essentially dying everywhere, then they just throw in a picture of Trieze smiling his ass off. It's totally out of place and I love it. Ivars borrowed all 7 of the DVDs I had only to find out they don't work with his PS2 DVD player. Ahh, anime, the most overpriced hobby available. $30 for 2 episodes of FLCL? Yes please, I am a consumer whore. Not that my video game addiction is any better because the next day we went to the Flea Market in Holyoke, where I proceeded to give money away to anyone with a game to sell and a smile. My good buddy Guy who owns Fantasy Realm has a booth there(yes, his name is Guy, just Guy). Fantasy Realm is this awesome video game store I've been going to since I was a kid, their old location has been converted into a porno store, which almost seems fitting. He gave me my regular "I'm friends with your dad" discount, so I got Clock Tower and Silent Hill for $14 total (originally priced at $7.99 and $12.99 respectively). I was not aware the first Clock Tower was a goddamn point and click adventure, which only serves to make the series that much more insane. I bet the second one is like a racing game where Scissorman chases you through the streets of L.A. as you drive around picking up hookers. Some puerto rican kid had some Xbox games sitting next to his bumpin' stereo system (which was by the way, bumpin') so I got Apex for $12. I heard it was a solid racing game but later I remembered the only racing game I like is Ridge Racer, and that's only because I have the Jogcon. Namco makes the most random controllers ever. Then some other puerto rican people had a shelf of games hidden amoungst the shelves of bootleg cds. I usually hate these booths, I come to the flea market so I can watch old people sell off their memories, not so that some people who don't like work can sell teenagers the latest joint by Jay-Z for $8 less than what it costs to break your face (That didn't make sense but it doesn't have to because I'm beautiful). Some dude tried to sell a bootleg Terminator 3 at one of these places for $20, so I let him know the cops were on their way to arrest him for copyright infringment. Now I know why minorities always run from the cops, they're damn fast. Anyway, aside from the racist jokes Ivars convinced me to get Fatal Frame on Xbox (Secret costumes!) which was $15, and they had .hack part 2 for $20. I noticed it was missing the instruction booklet so I'll probobly have to steal that from EB or somewhere. Yes, I steal instruction booklets, I am so fscking hardcore it hurts. The best part though, was the NES games they had for a buck. Final Fantasy? River City Ransom with the instruction booklet? BUGS BUNNY'S CRAZY CASTLE!? YEEHAW! I also got Mickey Mousecapades and R.C. Pro Am. And they all had these badass clamshell containers with Nintendo logos on em. Yeah, I'm a geek, but at least I have something to look forward to other than masturbating after school. Wait what?

Also, I made sure to wait a week before responding to that lady at the paper, so that I contacted her like an hour before the article was due. I'm a procrastinator for sure, but at least I managed to get her all confused by trying to explain the word "pwn." Oh well. The Daily Hampshire Gazette isn't ready for the Jizz-Master just yet. On another subject, Ms. Mafi might let me bring in my SNES and play Sunset Riders for our unit on cowboys. I think she goes down a ranking on my teachers I hate chart.

Teachers I Hate

1. Mr. Minks - Oral Communtication
Pros- Let me do a demonstration on Ikaruga in class.
Cons- Is an old and crazy. Hates humor, children and video games.

2. Ms. Koch - Computer Science 1
Pros- Pretty much leaves me alone.
Cons- Cannot teach. Small questions turn into lectures on taking notes and staying after class.

3. Mr. Moran - Algebra 1
Pros- Fought in Nam'
Cons- Old and does nothing but get on my fscking nerves. Dog ate his mittens.

4. Ms. Mafi - U.S. History
Pros- I'd tap it
Cons- Gives stupid goddamn assignments. Gets overexcited. Giant gap in teeth.

Last but not least, a couple things I need to do. Here's the story that flew Mr. Minks into a rampage. I'll scan his lovable comments as soon as my scanner is not broken, by which I mean fixed. And here's the long awaited review of Clock Tower 3, the best worst game of 2003. Also, word to all my homeys caught up in the system. Don't let the man bring you down. Peace.

January 5th - My Computer Was Broken

I know I haven't updated in like, 2 weeks, but seriously. If you were honestly waiting for me to write something insightful or witty than you are an idiot. Besides, at least I updated before the Homestar Runner guys did. Those guys actually have fans but they've been taking a break too. Keep in mind, it's called vacation, not "Chris writes his website so all two people who read it can laugh."

So yeah, anyways my computer like, broke down, which wasn't fun. First Internet Explorer just stopped working. Well actually first my computer started to shut down anytime I typed "g," but whatever. So, I downloaded Mozilla Firebird, which is like the worst internet browser ever. I don't understand why on earth all the cool underground emo kids use it because it is a complete piece of shit. It's pretty much like Internet Explorer, except that all those cool flash and java programs you like don't work anymore, you can't copy pictures off a page, and it sends messages to your mouse to strangle you while you sleep. I can't believe the kids who praise this thing. Chris Brainard from my programming class was talking about it, and I told him how I couldn't get flash or java to work on it. Yeah, he kind of confirmed that neither did he. Now, why on earth would you love a browser that can't run like half the files on the internet? I hate you Chris Brainard, you and your ability to make my code look inferior to the gold that flows from your fingertips. Anyway, after like a week of using that steaming pile of crap that the internet just stopped working completely. I think it was due to this istsvc virus thingy (which seems to still be present on my system, lucky me). Anyway, after spending like 3 days praying for it to come back (and biding my time trying to unlock all 26 endings in X-Change 2, which I do not want to talk about), I gave my computer over to a technician, e.g., my dad's computer friend Paul, who fixed it up good and proper. Unfortunately good and proper means Internet Explorer still doesn't work, Kaaza lite is broken, half my programs are missing and I can't open image or audio files. I love computers.

In other news, I know everyone bitches when I talk about video games, but seriously, KB Toys had the sweetest ass sale. Like, every game that was released in the past year was marked down to $10-$15 dollars. Since mom hadn't gotten her holiday shopping on yet, we went on an expedition to 4 different KB Toys. Ivars came along for the ride, and although we saw hundreds of excellent games for discount prices, all he bought was Mark of Kri and 2 Water Yo-Yo Balls of death. He took the little glowing thing out of the both of them and put them in his mouth... you know... so his mouth would glow. He looked kind of like the Terminator with his glowing metal brace filled mouth. I love Ivars like a son sometimes, a son with a broken head and a heart of gold. I on the other hand cleaned the fuck up. Yeah, I know that's a lot of games. Yes, I know I'm a spoiled brat. But seriously we only spent about $200 on $700+ worth of games, I call that a deal. Now, I'd like to direct your eyes to the bottom of the stack, to a little game I'd like to call Clock Tower 3. Clock Tower 3 is without a doubt, the craziest fucking game I have ever played. The best part is when John, Ivars and I were first playing it, and suddenly, for no apparentl reason, we get warped back in time to 1942 (in the game that is...) I'm working on a review of it, which means this site might actually get content soon. Get excited!

Now, probobly the biggest news is that I'm going to be in the Daily Hampshire Gazette. I got this e-mail from one Phoebe Mitchell.

"Dear Chris,
I am a reporter at the Daily Hampshire Gazette in Northampton and am working
on a story about the language used by gamers, words like "strafing,"
"newbie," "bot," and "brick." I am interested in talking with people about
how they use the words to communicate with other
gamers. If you think you would like to be part of the story, please call or
email me soon, as I will likely file the article before the end of January. I
can be reached at *******, through my gamer email, or via
******. Hope to hear from you,"

I guess I'm rather excited, although I'm confused as to why a girl is writing about gaming. I mean, girls playing video games? That's just ridiculous. She got my e-mail from that gamer tag database thing. I am kind of confused by what she calls gamer language though. I thought "strafing," was an actual word, meaning like, "move sideways." "Newbie" isn't really a gamer term as much as it is an internet term, and although I know what a "bot" is, I have never heard of someone using the term "brick." That's like, from basketball. I don't play no basketball, coach says I aint got the legs for it. But I'll show em', I'll show em' all.

"Also, I might be interested in visiting
you in your home (with a photographer, maybe) to watch you play and "talk"
to other gamers."

Phoebe Mitchell
Feature Writer
Daily Hampshire Gazette

Heh, she wants to do a photo shoot, awesome, maybe she'll get some good shots of my huge fucking video game collection which proves I have no life. Little does she know I haven't played on Xbox live in months, and about the only games I play online are Day of Defeat and Gunbound, both of which were uninstalled after my computer crashed. I did get that playstation internet adapter from Josh, maybe I should hook that thing up and own some people in Amplitude.

I know I'm going to have to tell this nice woman what Fubar means and frankly, it tears me up inside. That and the thought of trying to justify the use of l33t. \/\/311, p34(3 0U7 d4\/\/65. Chris out.

Last Month's Stuff

I know I haven't updated in like, 2 weeks, but seriously. If you were honestly waiting for me to write something insightful or witty than you are an idiot. Besides, at least I updated before the Homestar Runner guys did. Those guys actually have fans but they've been taking a break too. Keep in mind, it's called vacation, not "Chris writes his website so all two people who read it can laugh."

So yeah, anyways my computer like, broke down, which wasn't fun. First Internet Explorer just stopped working. Well actually first my computer started to shut down anytime I typed "g," but whatever. So, I downloaded Mozilla Firebird, which is like the worst internet browser ever. I don't understand why on earth all the cool underground emo kids use it because it is a complete piece of shit. It's pretty much like Internet Explorer, except that all those cool flash and java programs you like don't work anymore, you can't copy pictures off a page, and it sends messages to your mouse to strangle you while you sleep. I can't believe the kids who praise this thing. Chris Brainard from my programming class was talking about it, and I told him how I couldn't get flash or java to work on it. Yeah, he kind of confirmed that neither did he. Now, why on earth would you love a browser that can't run like half the files on the internet? I hate you Chris Brainard, you and your ability to make my code look inferior to the gold that flows from your fingertips. Anyway, after like a week of using that steaming pile of crap that the internet just stopped working completely. I think it was due to this istsvc virus thingy (which seems to still be present on my system, lucky me). Anyway, after spending like 3 days praying for it to come back (and biding my time trying to unlock all 26 endings in X-Change 2, which I do not want to talk about), I gave my computer over to a technician, e.g., my dad's computer friend Paul, who fixed it up good and proper. Unfortunately good and proper means Internet Explorer still doesn't work, Kaaza lite is broken, half my programs are missing and I can't open image or audio files. I love computers.

In other news, I know everyone bitches when I talk about video games, but seriously, KB Toys had the sweetest ass sale. Like, every game that was released in the past year was marked down to $10-$15 dollars. Since mom hadn't gotten her holiday shopping on yet, we went on an expedition to 4 different KB Toys. Ivars came along for the ride, and although we saw hundreds of excellent games for discount prices, all he bought was Mark of Kri and 2 Water Yo-Yo Balls of death. He took the little glowing thing out of the both of them and put them in his mouth... you know... so his mouth would glow. He looked kind of like the Terminator with his glowing metal brace filled mouth. I love Ivars like a son sometimes, a son with a broken head and a heart of gold. I on the other hand cleaned the fuck up. Yeah, I know that's a lot of games. Yes, I know I'm a spoiled brat. But seriously we only spent about $200 on $700+ worth of games, I call that a deal. Now, I'd like to direct your eyes to the bottom of the stack, to a little game I'd like to call Clock Tower 3. Clock Tower 3 is without a doubt, the craziest fucking game I have ever played. The best part is when John, Ivars and I were first playing it, and suddenly, for no apparentl reason, we get warped back in time to 1942 (in the game that is...) I'm working on a review of it, which means this site might actually get content soon. Get excited!

Now, probobly the biggest news is that I'm going to be in the Daily Hampshire Gazette. I got this e-mail from one Phoebe Mitchell.

"Dear Chris,
I am a reporter at the Daily Hampshire Gazette in Northampton and am working
on a story about the language used by gamers, words like "strafing,"
"newbie," "bot," and "brick." I am interested in talking with people about
how they use the words to communicate with other
gamers. If you think you would like to be part of the story, please call or
email me soon, as I will likely file the article before the end of January. I
can be reached at *******, through my gamer email, or via
******. Hope to hear from you,"

I guess I'm rather excited, although I'm confused as to why a girl is writing about gaming. I mean, girls playing video games? That's just ridiculous. She got my e-mail from that gamer tag database thing. I am kind of confused by what she calls gamer language though. I thought "strafing," was an actual word, meaning like, "move sideways." "Newbie" isn't really a gamer term as much as it is an internet term, and although I know what a "bot" is, I have never heard of someone using the term "brick." That's like, from basketball. I don't play no basketball, coach says I aint got the legs for it. But I'll show em', I'll show em' all.

"Also, I might be interested in visiting
you in your home (with a photographer, maybe) to watch you play and "talk"
to other gamers."

Phoebe Mitchell
Feature Writer
Daily Hampshire Gazette

Heh, she wants to do a photo shoot, awesome, maybe she'll get some good shots of my huge fucking video game collection which proves I have no life. Little does she know I haven't played on Xbox live in months, and about the only games I play online are Day of Defeat and Gunbound, both of which were uninstalled after my computer crashed. I did get that playstation internet adapter from Josh, maybe I should hook that thing up and own some people in Amplitude.

I know I'm going to have to tell this nice woman what Fubar means and frankly, it tears me up inside. That and the thought of trying to justify the use of l33t. \/\/311, p34(3 0U7 d4\/\/65. Chris out.

Last Month's Stuff