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| October 3rd 2008
I have texts on my phone and I can't read them.
A couple of days ago, my mobile phone had a sudden collision with a desk shaped object. Luckily, it still works. Unluckily, it doens't work properly. While most of the complicated communicationy bits are still intact, the screen now permanently looks like a spiderweb made of lightning.
Well, I don't have any money to convert into phone form; and I pretty much rely on it as an alarm clock. So I'm still using the broken one. Which means that I can't read any test messages sent to me.
Yet people seem driven by a desire to send me text messages. Which is all very nice, except that I have no way of finding out what they say. Are they spam or offers of money? Are there stupid people texting condolences about the broken phone? Is there one from Shrödinger that is both junk mail and extremely valuable? I can't tell and it's driving me crazy.
I'm sure the messages are not that important, and I could probably get the information from other sources. Hell, statistical probability says that at least one of them is my network increasing the call charges. But not knowing is irritating me far more than it rationally should.
This has given me a new-found respect for blind people. Having so much information just out of reach would probably send me on a murderous rampage in the long run. Although, I'd probably get lost trying to find a passable weapon.
by Dave apologises for the pop-ups, they're not here by choice
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| October 3rd 2008
This will be the first of what will likely be a large number of Charlie Brooker quotes. I know how eye-gougingly narcissistic it is to claim that an extremely smart person has the same thoughts as you, and just expresses them better. But god dammit, it's true this time. Charlie Brooker's column in the Guardian is consistently a highlight of my week. And there are regular instances of my opinions being dished out in a more witticious style than I'd have ever phrased it.
This one goes out to the Mac using readers:
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"I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui" - Charlie Brooker
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by Dave
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| October 1st 2008
Toilets Renamed to Appease Whiny Idiots
Toilets in Manchester University have been changed from Male/Female to Toilets With Urinals/Toilets. This was done following complaints by 'a number of students complained. In case you're wondering, the number was almost certainly between zero and one. When interviewed about it, Jennie Killip, one of the people behind the decision, claimed that the term political correctness gone mad was, in fact, disablist.
A proper reporter might claim that she is courting controversy. I have the distinct fortune of being able to call her an attention-seeking cunt. Her actions allow the kind of comments on the Sun's article about it, which manages to massively overuse and misuse quotation marks in such a short piece of writing.
Pirate-tastic
About a month ago, an Iranian boat was hijacked. It's now coming to light that several of the pirates are experiencing symptoms similar to that of radiation poisoning.
Further to this is the recently shanghaied MV Faina where they have found a loot that includes ammunition, anti-aircraft guns, rocket propelled grenades, and 33 T-72 tanks.
Did you all register that? Pirates now have access to tanks and radioactive material! And you thought the economic downturn was an issue.
Doctor's Slang Uncovered
Admittedly this news story is crazy old. But it was too damn entertaining not to include. I particularly enjoyed the story about the doctor asked in court to explain the acronym TTFO (translated rather marvellously by the BBC as 'Told To Go Away') who explained it as meaning 'To Take Fluids Orally'. I raise a glass of cheap, generic whisky to this genius of quick thinking.
And now for weather
Relevancy hunts:
Signs, pirates and acronyms respectively. Pirates need never be relevant.
by Dave
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| September 30th 2008
A horse didn't walk into a bar. Because he isn't allowed to anymore. I give serious credit to the BBC article for not referencing the length of the horse's facial area.
Edit: Holy crap, I just watched the attached video. The guy the owns the horse has the voice of a flowerpot man.
by Dave
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